ome very startling information has just come into my possession, information that will shake the very foundations of what we today know as Ancient Freemasonry, information that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ancient Freemasonry did not originate in Great Britain, but was started in the United States of America, and not by stone masons, but by the Plains Indians, many many years ago.

For you see that on the great plains an Indian Chief took for himself three wives. For the first wife, he built in one corner of the teepee a bed on the skin of a wolf. For the second wife, he built in another corner on the skin of a deer, and the third wife was built a bed on the skin of a hippopotamus.

Lo and behold, some nine months later, the miracle of life unfolded. The wife whose bed was on the skin of a wolf gave birth to a son, also the wife on the skin of a deer gave birth to a son. But all things were not equal. The wife whose bed was on the skin of the hippopotamus gave birth to twin boys.

This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ancient Freemasonry was started by that Indian Chief many, many years ago on the great plains of the United States of America.

For there we have demonstrated Pythagoras' 47th Problem of Euclid, that the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

For a lighter look at the vicissitudes of life, and those who benefit the gene pool by leaving it, find here: Darwin Awards (humor).

The light bulb joke

"How many Masons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

• It's a secret.
• Three or more.
• You need a Secretary to read the minutes of the last light bulb changing, a Master Mason to change the light bulb, and a Past Master to sit on the sideline and say "That isn't how we did it."
• Change it! My grandfather donated that light bulb!
• "How many Past Masters does it take to change a light bulb?" "Why change it...it always worked before?"
• 20, as follows:

  2 to complain that the light doesn't work.
  1 to pass the problem to either another committee, Temple Board or Master of the Lodge.
  3 to do a study on light in this Lodge.
  2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use.
  3 to argue about it.
  5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb.
  2 to complain that "that's not the way we did it before."
  1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it.
  1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed.

Practice Makes Perfect

While visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, his wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strangely since joining. I enquired in what way? "He locks himself in the toilet for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book."

As the evening proceeded I turned the talk to lodge, and asked him how he was getting on.
"Oh fine was his reply." I asked him about his behavior and if there was anything wrong.
"No", was his reply.
"So why only read the book in the bathroom?
"Well," he said "Its the only TILED room in the house"....

...

A little before Lodge is about to open an old man totters up to the Tyler and says, "I'm here to receive my 2nd degree." Well, they all look at this guy, who really is older than dirt, and they ask him to explain. "I was entered on July 4, 1922. Now I'm ready for my 2nd degree." So they go scurrying for the records, and sure enough, there was his name, entered on July 4, 1922. "Where have you been all these years? What took you so long to be ready for your 2nd?" they ask. Reply: "Learning to subdue my passions!"

...

I do not attend the meetings
for I've not the time to spare.
But every time they have a feast
you will surely find me there.
I cannot help with the degrees
for I do not know the work.
But I can applaud the speakers,
and handle a knife and fork.
I'm so rusty in the ritual,
it seems like Greek to me.
But practice has made me perfect
in the Knife and Fork Degree.

Definitions:

WORSHIPFUL MASTER
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a speeding locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

SENIOR WARDEN
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God

JUNIOR WARDEN
Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind
Is almost as powerful as a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding airgun pellet
Walks on water of a swimming pool
Talks with God if special dispensation is given

SENIOR DEACON
Barely clears a garden hut
Loses a tug-of-war with a train
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

JUNIOR DEACON
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by trains
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Doggie paddles
Talks with the animals

MARSHAL
Runs into buildings
Recognizes trains two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life vest
Talks to walls

STEWARD
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo choo's"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself

SECRETARY
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks trains off the track
Catches speeding bullets in his mouth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
HE IS GOD !